Banished from the bedroom

{ The homemade pizza that fueled the change  |  10 March 2013 }

I've finally deemed all smartphones permanently verboten from entering our bedroom—something that should have been forbidden a long, long time ago—but, it took three things to finally prompt their exile now: my attempt to self-diagnose my (supposed) thyroid issue + common sense finally sinking in + my lil' ol' manifest project.

I always knew it wasn't a good idea to sleep with my phone so close. It just makes sense, right? A close phone means:

+ A constant source of radiation pulsing less than a foot from my head for 7'ish hours straight a night.

+ Saying "let me just check this one last thing" becomes entirely too easy. And, the more I check my phone, the more I see its harsh blue screen, which confuses our brains into thinking it's not nighty-night time, and that, plus frequent checks, means my bedtime is suddenly pushed back 30 minutes to an hour.

Knowing that, it still took reading that the electro magnetic frequency shooting out of our phones can affect my thyroid to get me to shift my habits around and wean myself off.

After gathering my strength from a delicious homemade pizza night, I got to poking around behind our TV stand to figure out the wire situation and make room for another surge protector that I could turn on at night to charge our phones. Fighting with the cables to make sure they all worked and nothing was visible from the other side (I loathe visible cables) was the easy part. The hard part turned out to be trusting I'd be able to wake up from an alarm clock in another room—the first night I tried this I woke up every hour or so to make sure I hadn't overslept!

One week later, know what I've realized?

+ I actually DO feel like I'm sleeping better with two less blinkety-blinking lights in our bedroom and no phone screen glare attacking my eyeballs in the minutes before bedtime.

+ Having to get out of bed to turn my alarm off is an effective balm to my snooze-ing habits.

+ I've now gotten into the routine of plugging my phone in on its little shelf when I get home and then not looking at it again until just before bedtime to check messages and set my alarm (which was a February intention, under the "Energy" category, oddly enough). It's so nice to not be staring at another screen after 8 hours of staring at one at work, not to mention completely freeing to not feel the need to "check-in" every few minutes (something I learned recently). Plus: more time for other more enjoyable things!

+ Speaking of: minimizing digital distractions in the bedroom maximizes a whole lot of other things.

It's too early to know if this will have any thyroid benefits, but the other four are reason enough for me to be glad I finally booted those bad boys out of our bedroom!

NYSS art lectures—Matisse: In search of true painting

{ Still Life with Purro 1, 1940, Matisse }

{ Still Life with Purro 2, 1904-05, Matisse }

This little 2013 plan is working! If for no other reason than I'm a perfectionist and since my list is out there, I feel compelled to check things off (even though I haven't shared an update recently, oops!).

Anyway, under "Discovery" I included an intention to get back into art history—a subject I loved so much I was on track to minor in it in college. One of my favorite things about it wasn't so much wandering around museums, but hearing someone who devoted their life to periods and movements and artistes speak about the crazy connections between people, art and history. So back in January I started Googling for lecture series in the city and found NYSS (New York Studio School of Drawing, Painting and Sculpture) and their free evening events.

I added the February Matisse and March Courbet events to my calendar, but by the time the date of the first event rolled around I was thisclose to going "eh, I'm too tired" after work and just ignore it, but, but! knowing I would have to fess up and share my progress with y'all I woman-ed up and took myself to the school on a Wednesday evening at 6:30PM for the first lecture (it also helped that I invited a friend—someone I know who is always up for anything, the exact opposite of me, to join and go for dinner afterward).

The little room was packed when we got there—lots of students and lots of older people (for whom we could tell this was their thing, especially given their extremely in-depth, slightly whackadoo questions afterward), but what I didn't realize was that the woman speaking on Matisse had actually curated a "live" exhibit at The Metropolitan Museum of Art, and was there to talk about it.

As soon as the lights dimmed and I snuggled into my chair I remembered why I loved these kinds of lectures so much. The dark room, the flashes of canvases from far away and close up with arrows pointing to obscure details, the aged photographs, the maps, the tentative hypotheses backed up by debatable proof (art is always open for interpretation), it was just fascinating!

This lecture specifically was really interesting because the whole premise was that Matisse wasn’t born an artistic genius, in the way that Michelangelo or Beethoven were considered prodigies. He worked hard at it, only becoming a painter in middle age and after teaching himself by copying masters. Even when he became recognized for his work, he still wasn’t satisfied, often repainting, re-evaluating and even re-doing his work in an entirely different style, while keeping the subject matter the same.

Meaning, this exhibit was about comparing multiple versions of the same subject matter and showing how this one was influenced by Gaugin, and that one by Seurat. And the name "in search of true painting" was about his obsession with the process of creation, pushing deeper, further to get at something more "real".

As a cranky perfectionist, I understand him completely and am so glad I went.

Manifest month 1: January 2013

{ The hydrangeas I mentioned here | January 2013 }

So month 1 of my little manifest project is wrapping up. According to my plan, I was supposed to be working on these bits this month:  

January:

• Kindness: Make mornings and evenings more sacred
• Possessions: Go shelf by shelf
• Energy: Cull my online life

I did okay with my mornings and evenings...I could have been better about sticking to it, but at least I got into a somewhat-regular-routine.

As for cleaning up shelf-by-shelf (or space-by-space), well, I told you about my letters, but I also whipped the "go-bag" that I carry in my work bag into shape and dealt with the bathroom cabinet. What I didn't get around to was sifting through the decorative-but-functional storage boxes in our living room wall cubbies, selling/donating our haven't-used-in-two-years kitchen appliances and shredding documents we don't need any more. Will try to tackle those this weekend.

Probably the best (and most cathartic) progress was against my online life. Hooooboy, I weeded out a ton of RSS feeds that were either extinct or that I only click through now, instead of actually reading. I also tamed the things I follow on Facebook for a much calmer newsfeed. Felt really good.

As for next month? Here's what's on tap—some big ones. Eek!

February:

• Kindness: Don't assume the worst
• Energy: Resist the pull
• Possessions: Buy things that will improve my life
• Discovery: Devote two hours a weekend to language

A sheaf of the past

{ Newest kitchen scrubbie using bits of leftover yarn  |  January 2013 }

Last Saturday I lit a few thick, white pillar candles in the apartment, powered up a Brothers & Sisters marathon on Netflix and settled myself on the couch with two huge leather containers of handwritten mail from the last 10 years. I've long wanted to tackle a whittling down, but having a little plan was exactly the push I needed to actually do it.

+ + +

It's little surreal to have such a tangible piece of your past—someone's words to you for your birthday, graduation, holidays, or just a thinking-of-you note all there in curlicues and elegantly-looped addresses and doodles in the margin and pretty stationery and smooth ink and abbreviations from a secret language I forgot I spoke.

Some envelopes stayed closed.  Memories locked within the folds of letters from family. Words I wasn't ready to read again or photos that made me think of too many things. Stepping back into who I was and the circles that contained me was as painful as it was beautiful because I realized some aren't as strong any more, but they're still there.

+ + +

Thomas Jefferson kept copies of the correspondence he wrote, which gave me the idea to photocopy the envelopes and contents of all the letters and cards I used to send. I don't do it anymore (I also don't send very many handwritten notes), but seeing my own words ricochet back to me from across the years made me realize I shouldn't have ever stopped doing it either.

+ + +

After a few hours I finally finished paring down my collection and tied one last bow around one last bundle for safekeeping. The discarded letters and cards were hauled in a metal basked to the recycling chute. Then I padded into the kitchen to blend another batch of my winter oil concoction. A perfectly homey and comforting end to a day spent looking over my shoulder.

2013: The year that will be—a plan

[Last little bit! This is a continuation of two previous posts about what I want to do in 2013—my manifest year. I shared my idea and formula earlier, now here's my plan to make it happen!]

{ Colors I love (and food group/flowers, too!) | January 2013 }

Once I had a very official-sounding formula worked out for what I wanted to do in 2013 (and beyond, I suppose),  I bucketed and edited and came up with these intentions for the year:

Kindness—Be nice.

• Don't assume the worst: I have a habit of assuming someone is trying to annoy me or that someone didn't do what I asked/what they should have. All that does is make me angry (before even knowing the real deal), poised to overreact and automatically having a frown on my face. Enough of that.
• Make mornings and evenings more sacred: R and I have different schedules and tend to run off with our days or to bed without ever connecting. It's pitiful. I'd love if we could spend a few minutes (or more!) actively together with coffee or just talking about our days before we race out of bed and out the door or a few minutes with a glass of wine or a walk around the block before bogging ourselves down with iPads, smartphones, TV, knitting and books at the end of the day. And of course, each should be punctuated with a proper hello/goodbye/goodmorning/goodnight.
• Jot down one good thing about each day: It's too easy to let days go by without giving thanks. And, I think a grateful person would be a kind person, no?

Possessions—Simplify the things that get in the way and highlight the things that inspire.

• Go shelf by shelf: Our home is pretty organized, but there are trouble spots that give me endless eye twitches whenever I see them, like the cabinet above our stove, the cabinet below the bathroom sink, our catch-all boxes in our living room nook (that have odd linens, odd electronics, etc.), our document drawer (which can be cleaned out of the oldest documents) and my leather boxes of correspondence (I save way too much).
• Document our travels: Ever since I stopped printing photos 3-4 years ago, I haven't made any scrapbooks (something I used to do a lot of) and I'd love to change that by creating a few "yearbooks" for us as well as print and frame some pictures from our travels for a gallery wall.
• Buy things that will improve my life: We need a new home laptop, desperately. We waste time trying to jerryrig it (frustrating) and waiting for it (annoying) to do what we want. It's time to buy a new one. And, time to get over my fear of spending money and invest in things that will make our lives better.

Beliefs—I believe in something, but what?

• Go to mass every Sunday: At least for a bit, and then try to go more frequently afterwards.
• Find a spiritual/artistic mentor: I'd like to lose myself in the story of someone else's life-well-lived for inspiration.

Energy—Subtract to add.

• Cull my online life: Do I really read all those blogs in my reader? Do I really need to be friends with/follow all those people/businesses on Facebook? On Instagram? Do I read all the "deals" emails I get? No. It's time to unfollow/unsubscribe.
• Ease away from negative nancies: This goes two ways—not only would I like to avoid the people that bring me down, but I need to treat the people that I can't get away from (that do bring me down) more positively.
• A little bit of suffering: Spending a few minutes in the evening doing something that I don't want to do (like watering our 19 plans) will free up a lot of time on the weekends to indulge in the things I do want to do.
• Resist the pull: It's so easy to "check one thing" and then stay glued to my phone for the next 42 minutes. What about if in the morning, evening and weekends I only checked my phone at specific intervals? Like, in the morning no active phone time until I'm sitting down with my breakfast. In the evening, one check of my phone after dinner, and then not again for the rest of the night. On the weekends: only after a meal (or if I'm actively making plans with someone). And, let's limit the Netflix (unless I'm also doing something else, like cleaning, knitting, organizing photos, etc.), shall we?

Discovery—I've always loved school, so why have I stopped actively learning?

• Devote two hours a weekend to language: Sign up for an online course—starting with Italian and if those two hours stretch out, all the better!
• Devote an hour a week to design tools: Sign up for an online course on how to use Photoshop, InDesign and Illustrator. First up: Photoshop.
• Attend a lecture: I live in NYC—not only an always-on city, but studded with universities and museums. Why have I never attended an art history lecture? I've done this exactly ONCE since college (in DC), and never in NYC, even though I love it. Time to rectify this sad state of affairs.

At first I thought to focus on one topic a month, but there were some I couldn't wait until April or May to get started with, so perhaps a little mixing and matching?

And, my idea is to focus on specific actions each month, but when the month is over, I'll keep those going while adding on new ones. I actually began working on these a few weeks ago, and so far, I've noticed an actual difference! And, it's possible some intentions from future months might creep up into the present, which could only be a good sign. Here's what I'm thinking:

January:

• Kindness: Make mornings and evenings more sacred
• Possessions: Go shelf by shelf
• Energy: Cull my online life

February:

• Kindness: Don't assume the worst
• Energy: Resist the pull
• Possessions: Buy things that will improve my life
• Discovery: Devote two hours a weekend to language

March
[Purposely coincides with Easter]

• Kindness: Jot down one good thing about each day
• Beliefs: Go to mass every Sunday
• Energy: Endure a little bit of suffering
• Possessions: Document our travels  

April:

• Beliefs: Find a spiritual/artistic mentor
• Discovery: Attend a lecture

May: 

• Energy: Ease away from negative nancies
• Discovery: Devote an hour a week to design tools

Can't wait to share more with y'all about how this is going and my experience so far. And if you made it all the way through this extended bout of navel gazing, thank you!

2013: The year that will be—a formula

[Continuing my earlier scribbles about 2013—my manifest year. I told you my idea on Tuesday and here's my formula to help make it happen (with one more post soon!)]

{ Something worth internalizing | via }

After coming to a startling realization, and deciding that 2013 shall be my year of making things manifest, I came up with a formula for making it happen:

(A+B) - C = A better manifested me!
(No, I did not mean to make that rhyme).

Confused? Here's what I mean:


A. I started by making a list of things that make me happy—the types of things I would fill my days with if not for normal obligations and work:

• "Getting" something on my own (like, learning a knitting stitch, figuring out what something abstract means, putting together some little organizational system—yes, yes, I'm a nerd, untangling code to make this blog look the way I want it to, how a bunch of seemingly unconnected events fit together and create a huge repercussion—which is what I loved about my art history classes in university)
• A good happy/dramatic cry (from reading a book or watching something—I'm looking at you: West Wing, Brothers & Sisters, Grey's Anatomy, Gilmore Girls, etc.)
• Time alone
• Watching babies and/or dogs play
• Crafty sessions
• Music
• Candlelight
• Long walks/flaneurs
• Good wine in cozy wine bars
• Day trips
• Weekend trips
• Creating organizational systems (worthy of a second mention)
• Making plans
• Putting something together (trip docs, citizenship papers, scrapbooks)
• Surprising other people
• When I make R laugh or shock him when I know something (a word in Italian, random geography since I'm generally bad at it, etc.)
• Academic lectures (in art history, literature, nutrition, nature and related subjects)
• Reading uninterrupted for hours
• Reading "children's" literature: Anne of Green Gables, Laura Ingalls, etc.
• Keeping lists (quotes, places, books, goals)

B. And then I thought about the things I want to make a priority—either to learn/do/have, but haven't made any effort recently, despite being really interested:

• Italian: I've passively learned, but as I'm a perfectionist, I don't speak nearly as well as I should after almost 8 years with R
• Swedish: I haven't made any attempt because I know I can go to school for free in Sweden...but why shouldn't I spend some time with the basics now?
• Figuring out the perfect blend of things I'm good at and things I like doing to forge the most fulfilling career: I like organizing, planning, crafting communications, creating an experience based on an idea, editing, critiquing, branding...if I put all that in a magic hat, what career would I pull out?
• Until I figure that out, I'd like to find meaningful projects to take on as my normal work schedule allows to help me continue to prepare for a new (future) career by learning new skills (like graphic design), shoring up ones I already have and creating connections with interesting people that might lead to interesting projects
• Better relationships
• Stronger faith

C. And then, I thought about the things that get in the way of that, like:

• Wasting time reading blogs I'm not interested in anymore or trailing cookie crumbs all over the Internets from one random thing to the next
• The Netflix black hole (damn you, automatically-play-next-episode, feature!)
• Being tired
• Foul mood because I am one of those people that definitely sweats the small stuff (family angst, work angst, friendship angst, irritatingness of silly things I have to do but don't want to—like, rolling over a 401-K account, dealing with customer service, etc.)
• Using a rickety 6-year old laptop at home

If I could get rid of C (the time wasters/energy zappers/laziness/etc.), I'd have more time to focus on A (the things I already love to do) and B (the things I want to be better at), all so that I can manifest the life I want...which I might describe as living abroad, being multi-lingual, having relationships that delight me and life work that fulfills me. But...how?

[To spare you a lengthy read—my plan for doing something about this is coming up next!] 

2013: The year that will be—an idea

[Apologies if you saw this last week—was tinkering with my draft and accidentally hit publish!]

{ Soho office  |  14 January 2013 }

I've hinted a little bit about the things I've been thinking about recently—but it took me a while to turn them into words.

The gist of it is, I want to make some changes—and I'm not talking the physical/wellness ones, which you know I've got a pretty good handle on already, but bigger life changes. This isn't just about New Year's resolutions, but anytime resolutions. There are things I want to achieve, to do, to experience, to see, to be...but I let the mundane get in the way. I don't make time for the things I should, and then I wonder why I don't feel fulfilled.

Do you know of the practice of choosing one word to be your "theme" of the year? I've seen it floating around online every January, but never thought about doing it for myself, but this year? This year I shall.

The first word that popped into my mind when I considered what I wanted to inspire and influence my year has been floating around for two weeks, and it still feels right, so I share it with you:

Manifest

adjective: Clear or obvious to the eye or mind

verb: Display or show by one's acts or appearance; demonstrate

It feels right for so many reasons. I know there's something deeper, better, more meaningful in me, and this year, the year that may be one of many transitions for me, I want to dig down and see something that should be manifest to me already,but I've been too blockheaded or lazy to see it. And, I want to manifest feelings and emotions that will help me to be better. A better person living a better life and treating others better.

All this was on my mind at the end of last year and then I read Gretchen Rubin's Happiness books and something clicked: only I can be in control of how I feel and how happy I am. If I'm not happy, guess whose fault that is?

Reading them another super simple thing clicked: I LIVE for to-do lists, for charts and graphs and things I can check off. So why hadn't I written down the things I want to do and then the things I need to do to make them happen? Gretchen does monthly resolutions, but not something as airy as "be nicer", instead actual actions she can take like, "Don't expect praise", "Don't make my husband my dumping ground", "Leave things unsaid", "Sing in the morning", etc.

And to further pet my hyper-organized self, she clumped all of her resolutions into big buckets for things she could work on each month like: Energy, Marriage, Career & Leisure, Parenthood, etc. 

My first thought was, a woman who gets me! My second was: how come I'm not doing this?

[This is getting long, so my "formula" & plan for doing something about this are coming up next!]